The Joy of Growing Up
by Divey
Summary: (Introspective, dark-ish one-shot) Yuugi grows up - it's fun! He's mature! Reality, though, has taken more from him than he realizes... (Character deaths.)


**A/N:** Crappily written short story. Please explain to me the logic of being able to write 7 pages of single-spaced YGO fanfiction in 2 hours, while remaining stumped on the fourth paragraph for my English essay for almost the entire day. Bleah. I blame TV. And Naruto. … And fatigue, for that matter. Might as well point the fingers at _all_ the guilty parties. ((smiles sheepishly))

Note: Due to ff . net's … fun… new system of not recognizing most of the characters I use to identify the mental dialogue of Yamis and Hikaris…:

- _Yuugi speech –_

_/ Yami speech /_

… Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not happy either, actually. Suggestions for a better system, anyone? I assure you they will be enshrined!

**Disclaimer: **Revel in the fact they are NOT mine, or else I'd likely make the adorable characters suffer needlessly. ;;

**Warning:** Angst! Angst! AngstangstangstANGST! Waaaah! … Oh, and Character Deaths. You have been warned.

(You know, now even _I_ don't wanna read this…)

**The Joy Of Growing Up**

**Yuugi POV**

It was a grand game, after it got under way.

When the dark spirit of the Puzzle had first come out, it would have been a lie to say that he hadn't been scared. Oh, he got the feeling that the dark spirit would never hurt him, but there was always that split second of undeniable terror when the Puzzle spirit – when _Yami_ – took over. When that happened, he didn't ever want to see what was happening, and so he'd lock himself up in his hiding place. He knew he _could_ have access to all the sights, sounds, smells, all the sensory input that happened when Yami took over, but the feeling of helplessness was too scary. In fact, it was _still_ kinda scary, to look at your body reacting and saying things, but not being in charge of anything.

On some really depressed nights, he wondered if Ryou was better off being totally ignorant of his own actions when the spirit of the Ring took over.

Later, when the two started to talk and actually communicate, he learned he didn't have to really be so scared anymore. Yami looked scary enough sometimes, when that golden eye would shine on his forehead and his eyes would flash a solid, demonic red, but Yuugi discovered that the inner Yami wasn't so bad. He knew he'd always be the one that Yami would hold as more special than anything – then any_one –_ else, and well…

It was a nice feeling, and on some nicer nights, he'd snuggle up to that thought with all the warmth of a faithful puppy.

Of course, there were always crises, but while they were dangerous, there was never any _real_ doubt that they'd win. In fact, – and he could actually remember when it happened, halfway through his match with Mai – he started to actually enjoy himself. He was pretty good at playing Duel Monsters, after all, but Yami was even better. Sometimes they alternated playing turns, but even more fun was when one would combine their usual moves with a move from the other. When that happened, their opponent was always be stricken in their boots, and Yuugi's body would smirk that confident, superior grin.

It was nice, in the end, to finally get recognition from the public, though it was even nicer how many friends he got through his trials.

He noticed that Yami would always enjoy 'taking over' during the games that they had to play. He thought nothing of it at first, merely chalking it up to chance, or an advantage to his side. Later, though, as time progressed, Yuugi mentally classified the important games as "Yami games." Even that was ok, he rationalized. After all, Yuugi knew that they'd reconciled most of their differences, and so there wouldn't be any more … incidents. Like with Seto, at Pegasus' castle. Still, he certainly didn't want to lose himself entirely, so he was very careful at being in control of his own body for the real life stuff.

The years passed. As he grew up, he found less and less time to play with his beloved cards of old. Eventually, they were put high up on a shelf in his closet, and his desk had to be cleared of the gaming books in order to make way for textbooks and pencils. He felt a twinge of regret, though by this time, his and Yami's soul had intertwined so much that it was almost impossible to tell from whom the momentary sadness came. So, as with more and more things, he ignored it and concentrated on his schoolwork. He was a good student, he knew, and studied hard. Eventually, he felt himself confident enough to handle himself well in class. If Yami was the King of Games, then _he_ was the King of Geeks – a saying which he often laughed about with Jounouchi and Anzu. They would smile and grin and chuckle in return, then the three of them would part ways and run home to finish the daily dosage of homework.

Several more years passed, and he was now hardly aware of the ever lurking presence in the back of his mind. It was hardly useful to him. After all, it was an amnesiac spirit of an inanimate object, and so had no knowledge about the parameter of the line. When asked about Freud's characteristics, he would only receive a helpless sigh of useless ignorance in response. The feeble spirit had no knowledge about the characteristics of bacteriological strains, nor did it even know about the defining periods in history. Most annoying, really, and Yuugi began to unconsciously shunt it to the back sections of his mind.

After a while, he began to leave his Puzzle at home. It wasn't as if they were being challenged now, anyway. Plus, he noticed that the Puzzle was large and clunky, and the T.A.s in the lab would raise their eyebrows significantly whenever he wore it. Large and clunky pieces of jewelry, they feared, would catch or smash into the delicate equipment and destroy precious weeks worth of experimenting, which made sense even if it never actually happened. He felt horribly uncomfortable the first few weeks he did this, but as more months flowed by, he hardly blinked. It was only natural that a young businessman, such as himself, would not wear such ostentatious ornamentation. It gave a very bad impression, and would consequently diminish his chances of acceptance at one of his many interviews these days.

One day, he took a good look at his room, surveying the functionality of the various pieces of furniture. With great surprise, his eyes settled on the dusty gold pyramid, inelegantly resting on his far bureau. He stared at it for a while, suddenly caught up in his childhood, where it was good versus evil, and everything ended well if only you believed in your friends.

/ _AIBOU! / _A mental voice seemed to explode out of nowhere. Yuugi whirled, instantly on the alert, his body automatically sliding into the standard defense poses he learned in his martial arts classes. To his surprise, there formed an insubstantial, wavering… something… in the air in front of him. He blinked and frowned harder, still cautious. If there was one thing that life had taught him, it was that you couldn't be too careful.

/ _Aibou, _please! / The mental voice stumbled into his thought again, this time with a horribly desperate tinge to it. It coloured the link a deep red-black, and Yuugi could still only stare. The memories he had… were they clarifying…? Did he really used to have another spirit that lived with him, in an odd form of symbiosis?

"Yuugi! Anzu is on the phone, and wants to know if you wish to get together for coffee?" His roommate's voice rang out through their small apartment, and Yuugi jolted himself out of his unproductive reverie. Anzu! He hadn't seen her in ages! Ever since they'd gone to separate universities, he'd almost fallen out of contact with her.

"Thanks, Honda!" Yuugi called back down, "I'll take it on the portable!" He did so, grabbing his utilitarian black phone that was resting in their small hallway. Instantly he was caught up in the excitement of being reunited with his old friend, and he began to chat away, glad for the excuse to temporarily shirk his workload for a short while. As he talked, he could have sworn that he thought he felt the deepest feeling of sorrow and melancholy, but he frowned and resolutely ignored it, too excited about seeing Anzu again.

More years passed, and Yuugi found himself happily settled down in his middle-income job. He remained single, though maintained a wide circle of friends, always glad for the company of others. He even bought an affectionate cat from the animal shelter, so that he wouldn't be too lonesome when he returned to his functional apartment. He and Honda had long since separated, each pursuing their own interests. He was fairly sure Anzu was working in Africa somewhere, probably lecturing the carnivores on the importance of treating everyone equally. Jounouchi was somewhere in the city, and he would occasionally stop by. The two would chat for an hour or two, but then Jou would have to return to his job at KaibaCorp.

Eventually, Yuugi reached the respectable age of 65. He retired, secure in his pension plan's return. Just on the safe side, he invested a small but significant sum in one of KaibaCorp's offshoots. Jounouchi-san had advised him on which part to finance, and so Yuugi found himself secure, relatively wealthy, adjusted, and…

Unsatisfied.

He chalked it up to a cluttered house, and immediately set to work on an impromptu spring cleaning. He threw old books in a pile to be donated to charity, and he set up another heap for the garbage. Methodically, he moved through the rooms, stopping occasionally to refresh himself with a cup of tea and to pet his new cat. Unlike the first one he'd had, this one was a solid jet black, and Yuugi had affectionately dubbed him "Yami." It gave him an odd sense of comfort whenever he called it.

He almost ritualistically progressed through the rooms, finally ending up in the storage area of the basement. Almost groaning at the boxes that were messing up the place, he pulled a couple down and started unpacking. The first few were nothing of importance, and he usually tossed the old toys into the "donate" pile. It was only when he reached the very back set of boxes - the ones that were so untouched they had an inch of dust on the top – that he set to staring in wonder. They were his old photo albums! Eagerly, he brought the boxes back upstairs and set himself up next to a good light. Though his eyesight wasn't so good these days, he could certainly make out the forms in the old pictures.

Aaah, memories. He smiled nostalgically to himself as he made out the cheesily posing young teens in the camera. Flipping the pages slowly, he soon came to a large shot of "the gang" as he used to call it. Kaiba was on the left, frowning yet accepting of having his photo taken, while Mokuba grinned hugely next to him. On Kaiba's right side, Jou had looped one arm around Honda, but was using the other arm to give Kaiba the finger. Yuugi chuckled. Good old Jou. Who would have guessed that the two would have wound up the way they did? Honda stood ramrod straight, smiling contentedly as he looped his own arms around Jou and Yuugi. Anzu was on the very right side, smiling that sweet smile of hers that brimmed with good heartedness.

Wait a minute, though. Yuugi adjusted his bifocals and gazed harder. The Yuugi that grinned confidently out of the glossy photo, surrounded by his friends… it wasn't him. Closer examination gave way to astonishment, as he took in the photo's narrowed, red eyes, the different hair style, and the various positioning that Yuugi knew he'd never adopted. He stared at this picture, then started to flip rapidly back and forth between the pages. Almost all of the others had _his_ own self giggling at the camera, but there were a couple of other ones, very rare, that also showed this mysterious version of Yuugi.

The hours passed, and Yuugi remained gazing intently, once again focusing his eyes on the large group photo he'd first stumbled upon. Below him, Yami mewed insistently, wanting to be fed his supper. Absentmindedly, Yuugi hushed him as he tried to remember the dim, almost vanished, memories from his youth. Eventually, though, Yami got annoyed and, in an uncharacteristic act of wrath, viciously swiped his claws at Yuugi's leg.

"Ow! Yami, cut it out!"

Slit eyes gazed up at him, unimpressed with his peeved scowl.

"Yes, alright, kitty. You've made your point; I'll get your supper." He groaned as he rose, then shook his head in amusement as Yami scampered on ahead to the kitchen. He heard the clatter as the cat moved his supper dish around impatiently, and went to turn the corner. Then it suddenly hit him.

Yuugi stopped stone-cold in his tracks, his large eyes – now wrinkled and fogged with age – widening in horrified terror. All of a sudden, the memories that came rushing back to him began to deluge him with their images. He clutched desperately at the wall for support, but his feeble fingers could find none and scrabbled uselessly at the washed walls. He didn't even feel it as his body hit the floor dully. Instead, he could only stare into nothing as he relived the memories of his younger years for seemingly ages on end.

What had he done? He blinked as he re-oriented himself in space, only to become aware of Yami meowing concernedly upon his chest. If anything, though, his cat's concern only reinforced his stabbing guilt that was penetrating his heart. He absently got up and threw some food in the dish for Yami, all the while thinking.

The Puzzle! That was where Yami had originated. Was it too much to hope that he'd still be there? Yuugi couldn't believe he'd let it go so long without remembering his dark spirit. How could he have forgotten?!

Well, actually, he _knew_ how: the pressures of reality, and trying to find a job had eventually overcome his magical other side. He felt the tears rush into aged tear ducts and begin to trail themselves down wrinkled cheeks. He tore downstairs again, moving as fast as his legs would let him, in order to look for the Puzzle. He began to rip open boxes frantically, all the while trying to reach out to the yawning void within him.

'Yami…?' he kept calling out, hoping against hope that he'd get an answer. But no such luck. And, as Yuugi ran out of boxes to plunder, he felt despair begin to crush at his heart again.

Where _was_ the Puzzle? He'd just finished a deliriously methodical sweep of the house, and if it wasn't in the boxes, then that must mean…

That it wasn't in the house?

NO! He whimpered at the very thought and turned with determination to the messy storage room. He couldn't let himself think that! The Puzzle – and Yami – must be in the house! They just _had_ to be! … Somewhere.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doorbell rang. Now upstairs, he looked up blankly from where he'd brought the pile and could stare hopelessly at it in a better light. When the doorbell rang again, he clenched his eyes shut against the silent tears that continued to track their way down his cheeks, and then slowly rose, feeling all the heaviness of age catch up to him.

Gradually, he got to the door, where he opened it reluctantly. It seemed now that, no matter who, it wouldn't matter. He knew that he had thrown away all that was important to him, all that ever _could_ be important to him, in a fit of stupid, dumb, capitalist greed.

"Yes?" he questioned monotonously.

"Mr. Mutou! I'm glad I caught you. Can I come in?"

Yuugi refocused his eyes on the professional, black-haired man who was occupying his door-step.

"…Mokuba? Is that you?"

"Yes, sir!" Mokuba grinned, still managing to tap into his inner child. "My older brother sent me on over here. He's still rather busy trying to run things, so I guess I'm a temporary messenger!"

Yuugi managed a wheezy chuckle. "Really, now?"

Mokuba rolled his own eyes fondly. "The way he's going, you'd think he was still president of KaibaCorp instead of me. Ah, well. I think Jounouchi-san is trying to get him to relax, so hopefully…" he trailed off, then suddenly snapped back into his mission. "Sorry, Mr. Mutou! I guess I got distracted there. Anyway, Seto found this thing that he was sure belonged to you. He managed to wrest it away from some stiff old curator in this Egypt museum someplace, and he said he wanted you to have it."

Yuugi gazed, at first impassively, then with dawning hope at the satchel that Mokuba held. "Wh-what did he buy?"

Mokuba shrugged, and passed the bag over to Yuugi's shaking hands. "I think it's just your old Puzzle. I don't know why Seto was so insistent on buying it and putting it back into retail, but apparently it's one of those things where someone buys it from someone else, who then gives it to another, who sells it again, who gives it to a museum for an even better price. I'm surprised the museum even gave it up, actually. From what I gather, this Puzzle's apparently several whole _millennia_ old! Can you believe that? It's a good thing my brother's so filthy rich, otherwise he'd probably be in debt to the loan sharks for the rest of his life, and…"

Mokuba's voice chattered on aimlessly in the background, and eventually faded into a drone. With trembling hands, Yuugi delicately set the bag down on the ground, and opened it. The sunlight that was shining down from above glinted off the metal inside, and he felt like crying. He _had_ given away the Puzzle, after all. But now, thanks to Kaiba – whose friendship lasted even longer than Yuugi's, apparently – now, Yuugi had his Puzzle back. He vowed to never let it leave his sight again.

He reached in, and pulled it out, cautiously. It was still intact, an amazing feat considering the trials and voyages it must have been through. He was so glad…

- _…Yami…? - _ he reached out again to the burning void in his mind, as a bitter old man trying to find redemption.

_/ Aibou! /_ The joy that washed over him was absolute and golden. He gasped, and shut his tearing eyes so that he could see Yami better.

- _Yami! It IS you! I am, I am so very, very sorry. I don't know how…- _ His mental, babbling apology tapered off, as he took in the crying boy-spirit before him. Yami hadn't aged at all, still in the form he'd been killed in all those ages ago. And now, Yami was biting his lip hard enough to spill blood, and his eyes were spilling over with joy.

_/ Aibou, I knew you'd find me. I just knew it!_ /

- _Yami, I'll never leave you again. I'm so sorry! I-I just…I'm sorry. -_

With mutual sobs of pent-up sorrow at chances long missed, the two spirits flew into each other's arms. They wept in joy, at their two spirits interweaving again into one beautiful whole.

"—ugi? Yuugi? Yuugi, come on! Snap out of it!" Dimly, he could hear Mokuba's voice urging him back, but he refused to heed his call. Already, he could feel his soul calming itself down, feeling satisfied for the first time in decades. The bliss in his soul relaxed into a dreamlike trance, and he held the crying Yami closer in his arms. He blinked once, though, when he realized what was happening.

"No… not yet. Not now! I'm the only one who can solve the Puzzle!" he rose in alarm, but that only caused his heart to stutter more steeply, and then stop.

Yuugi's moist eyes suddenly glazed over, and he crumpled to the ground in a too-too still heap, his chest refusing to move, oblivious to Mokuba's shocked cry of horror, or to the rapid dialing to the ambulance.

In fact, he could only stare through rapidly darkening eyes at the Puzzle. It fell, in seeming slow-motion, to the ground just out of his reach. He willed his arm to move, but it wouldn't.

And a single, last tear escaped him as he watched his shining Puzzle shatter when it hit the floor, before his vision faded completely black.

Owari

* * *

Divey: O.o ANGST…. I can't believe I wrote that…

… Holy. Freaking. Crap. runs off to cuddle her imaginary YY plushie, and then curl up under a blanket with hot chocolate and her teddy bear

**A/N:** Oh, and clarifications, b/c apparently I'm no good at writing clear concepts. At the end:

Yuugi dies of a heart attack, and the Puzzle is broken. With none left in the world to solve it again, Yami is no doubt floating without a link to his light and is thus doomed to suffer endlessly in the darkness once more.

((winces)) Uh… comments, I guess? I think I'm almost hesitant for asking, b/c I think I deserve to be flamed, here…


End file.
